BREAKING: Columbia University to Offer Course on 'How to Outwit Federal Agents'

Columbia University has announced an innovative new course, "How to Outwit Federal Agents: A Masterclass in Door Etiquette," following an unusual incident involving Department of Homeland Security (DHS) agents allegedly gaining entry into a residential building through creative conversation.

University spokesperson Dr. Imma Joked vowed that this course will set students up for "real-world skills," and promote "a more heightened sense of alertness whenever a doorbell rings." Dr. Joked emphasized that, alongside traditional subjects, students must learn the fine art of questioning before opening.

The curriculum promises to cover a wide array of tactics, including "The Art of the Peek Through the Peephole," and "Advanced Excuses for Ignoring Knocks," ensuring graduates are well-prepared for any unexpected governmental visits.

Students are reportedly lining up in droves to enroll, eager to hone their skills for scenarios ranging from "Routine Inspection" drills to the more advanced "But I Didn’t Order a Pizza" practicals. Columbia has perhaps stumbled upon the next great frontier in higher education, as students eagerly await the arrival of their cleverly designed survival kits—complete with an intercom practice set and a lifetime supply of Do Not Disturb signs.