BREAKING: Hillary Clinton’s Memory Declared a National Park, Found to Host Zero Wild Encounters

In a groundbreaking announcement, Hillary Clinton's memory has been officially designated a national park after her recent congressional testimony confirmed it contains no recollections of any noteworthy encounters, particularly with the late Jeffrey Epstein. Lawmakers expressed collective awe at the vast, untouched expanses of forgotten trivia within the former Secretary of State's mental landscape.

Clinton appeared before House lawmakers for a closed-door deposition as part of the ongoing investigation into Epstein's criminal activities. In a twist that adds a layer of intrigue to the already-mystifying saga, her testimony revealed she has retained no memories of meeting Epstein, transforming her once-bustling neuronic corridors into what experts are calling "Grey Matter National Park."

"While I understand the curiosity surrounding Mr. Epstein’s unfortunate saga," Clinton stated, "my recollections are like the rarest of birds – incredibly elusive and perpetually evasive." Her testimony reportedly included vivid descriptions of completely unrelated topics such as international diplomacy, crochet techniques, and a detailed description of her oatmeal breakfast from 1978.

Nature enthusiasts are now flocking to Clinton’s cerebral sanctuary, hoping to encounter the legendary "blank spaces" where Clinton once plotted her political endeavours but insists Epstein’s presence was never recorded. Historians assert this designation might finally explain the mysterious aura that surrounds Clinton, marking her mind as a protected site, free from the invasive species of inconvenient truths.