Columbia University Campus Sees Spike in Reasonableness Following DHS Incident

In an unprecedented turn of events, Columbia University experienced an unforeseen surge in reasonableness on Thursday morning, coinciding with the brief detention of a student by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS). This unexpected outbreak of sanity caught both students and faculty off guard as they watched from a safe distance.

According to witnesses, the incident commenced when DHS agents, reportedly visiting campus to deliver a long-overdue library book, found themselves inadvertently swept into a spirited philosophical debate on the nature of common sense. "I've never seen anything like it," remarked one onlooker. "Suddenly, everyone was engaging in rational discourse."

Sources inside the university report that staff were unsure how to handle this newfound atmosphere of level-headedness. "Our campus was ill-prepared for such a surge in logic and restraint," confessed one professor, hastily preparing a pop quiz on moderate viewpoints to maintain the balance.

After a thorough discussion of various reasonable arguments, the DHS agents released the student, noting that their job was made exceedingly difficult by the complete absence of nonsense to investigate. The agents described the situation as "a nice change, but utterly confounding," before departing and reminding everyone to maintain a healthy level of irrationality to ensure their services remain relevant.

Experts predict that this uptick in common sense may be temporary, but for now, Columbia University thrives in its new, if momentary, wisdom-filled environment.