Dodgers’ Billion-Dollar Payroll Files Grievance After Chris Sale Pitches Shutout

In an unprecedented move, the Los Angeles Dodgers' billion-dollar payroll has filed a formal grievance following a humbling defeat at the hands of Chris Sale, who threw an 11-strikeout complete game shutout. The payroll, personified for the purposes of the grievance, claims it was not adequately consulted before the team succumbed to a sweep by the Boston Red Sox.

According to an unnamed source close to the Dodgers Finance and Excuse Department, the payroll voiced its concerns over a lack of communication and transparency during the game. "We expect a certain level of respect and deference," stated the hypothetical representative, echoing the payroll's sense of self-importance. "Major purchases deserve major performances."

Further complicating matters, the Intergalactic Bureau of Luxury Taxes has reportedly demanded a recount. The Bureau, normally only concerned with the fiscal aspects of sports, has declared this game an "anomaly in value return" and insists on re-evaluating the Dodgers’ most recent tax bill. "We cannot have millions squandered without at least a few hits to show for it," stated an imaginary spokesperson, who only speaks in accounting jargon.

While the Dodgers' fans grapple with the celestial implications of economic recalibration, sports analysts remain divided. Some believe this grievance sets a dangerous precedent, while others suggest it might enhance game strategy, with payrolls taking active roles in lineups and pitching changes.

Meanwhile, an independent observer from the Society for West Coast Whims, a fictitious organization focused on enhancing sporting joy, has sarcastically suggested installing a payroll consultation booth in the dugout. "Why not, given the team's resources?" the observer mused. "Let the dollars decide."

As the bureaucratic drama unfolds, Chris Sale remains unfazed, reportedly considering opening a consultation service on how to overcome expensive adversaries with sheer athletic performance.

So far, the MLB has yet to comment on the unfolding comedy of errors, leaving fans and commentators alike to speculate on whether performance bonuses might soon come with refund policies.