Hillary Clinton Claims Surprise at Both Epstein Scandal and Celestial Bodies

In a stunning revelation during her meeting with the House Oversight Committee in New York, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she had no prior knowledge of either Jeffrey Epstein's activities or the existence of the moon. Spectators and lawmakers alike were left astounded, questioning whether celestial education was required in high-level government training.

Clinton, dressed in her usual professional attire, told committee members that amidst the chaos of international diplomacy, she simply "missed the memo" on both Epstein and Earth's largest satellite. "Frankly, I was just so focused on the tasks at hand," she stated, attempting to redirect attention to pressing political issues like global warming, complicated trade agreements, and secret governmental meetings that totally never happen.

The committee, initially convened to address Epstein-related topics, found itself unexpectedly delving into planetary science, with members scrambling to provide a crash course on lunar existence. After a brief intermission featuring PowerPoint slides of NASA's latest lunar images, Clinton was heard acknowledging, "Oh, *that* moon."

The session closed with lawmakers agreeing to explore further educational programs for high-profile public servants to ensure no other astronomical bodies are overlooked. Clinton's request for a telescope, however, is still pending approval.