Local Man Vows to Save Papa John's with Pineapple Loyalty Scheme

In a valiant yet unorthodox effort to rescue Papa John's from its impending closures, local pizza aficionado Fred "Pineapple Pete" Simmons has announced a revolutionary plan to reignite the pizza giant's fortunes. Simmons, whose culinary preferences are both famous and polarizing, believes a targeted marketing strategy focusing exclusively on pineapple lovers will turn the company's dough into dollars.

"It's simple, really," declared Simmons confidently, standing outside a soon-to-close Papa John's. "The key to success is generosity, and pineapple. Lots of pineapple. So we're going to offer a 'Buy One, Get One Free' loyalty program, but only for those who commit to pineapple as their primary topping."

Simmons's plan, which involves issuing loyalty cards emblazoned with a golden pineapple, promises additional perks like quarterly "Pineapple Parties" and exclusive merchandise. However, skeptics have pointed out potential logistical issues, such as alienating the significant portion of the population that finds pineapple on pizza an affront to good taste.

Though the legality of his intervention remains dubious, Simmons remains undeterred. "This is about bringing people together one sweet, succulent slice at a time," he stated, flashing a pizza-stained grin. "Plus, there's gotta be a tax write-off in here somewhere."

As Papa John's faces an uphill battle to maintain its presence, this pineapple-paved path could provide the buzz needed to keep the ovens warm, if only in Simmons's spirited imagination.