NFL Team Starts Veteran QB, Fans React Like Rare Celestial Phenomenon

In an announcement that is sure to echo through the canyons of sports history like the sighting of a comet, the Springfield Squirrels of the National Football League have decided to start veteran quarterback and journeyman Rex Vendaway for this Sunday's game. The proclamation was met with the kind of reverence typically reserved for distant astronomical events, inspiring both awe and existential confusion among fans and analysts alike.

Conversations across sports channels morphed into a frenetic dance of speculation and hyperbole within moments. Analysts, armed with the most cutting-edge technology and access to precisely the same information, delivered the groundbreaking news approximately 40 seconds apart, each proclaiming ownership of the 'scoop.' Meanwhile, Vendaway, best known for appearing in 12 different jerseys over the past six seasons, modestly indicated he was, "just happy to have found his locker."

Fans who had been vociferously demanding change since the season opener responded to the shift with a heavy dose of nostalgia for the very competence they had begged to replace. "We want the old new guy back!" declared one dedicated supporter, clutching a jersey emblazoned with a name now outdated, the ink barely dry on its freshly discounted price tag.

The Springfield Squirrels, a team seeking to transcend mediocrity through a bold commitment to reshuffling, praised Vendaway's adaptability and unique familiarity with various playbooks. "He brings a wisdom only years of inadequate protection and diverse logos can bestow," the coach solemnly stated, unaware of the swirl of controversy his words would ignite.

Fantasy football managers nationwide swiftly pivoted, harnessing untapped depths of expertise on precisely two-thirds of Vendaway's current map of touchdown passes. League commissioners reported record forums, where participants deliberated his upside-downside ratio with the fervor of stock market analysts at a particularly volatile Nasdaq.

"I knew Vendaway was the true starter," said league advocate and part-time strategist, Jimmy 'The Armchair' Bostwick, whose previous focus had been on keeping score solely by jersey colors. "I mean, he’s totally gonna get at least double-digit points unless he doesn’t."

Thus the tradition of the Quarterback Carousel continues, a sacred rite marking the ritualistic cycle of hope, disillusionment, rediscovery, and confusion. Observers are encouraged to witness the spectacle unfold and, in the process, perhaps catch a glimpse of that rare comet of competence streaking across their screen, if only for a fleeting moment.