President Unveils 'Hockey Player Impeachment Prevention Act'

In a daring legislative move, President Trump announced the groundbreaking 'Hockey Player Impeachment Prevention Act' during an impromptu press conference on the South Lawn yesterday. "By simply inviting every team, I guarantee no impeachments on my watch," he declared, flanked by an enthusiastic intern holding a hockey stick.

The bill, a first in presidential history, mandates equal White House invitations for teams across all sports, regardless of whether they wield sticks, hoops, or just run in circles. "This is about fairness," Trump emphasized, "or at least about keeping my calendar full."

Hilary Knight, captain of the gold-medal-winning US women's Olympic hockey team, responded to the announcement with her trademark grace. "I'm thrilled all athletes will finally see the White House—maybe even those who spend more time on the ice than in Congress," she chuckled.

Critics, however, argue the bill is more spectacle than substance, citing provisions for 'official team snacks' and mandatory 'trophy show-and-tell' sessions.