Study Reveals 98% of Politicians Claim Unawareness of Wrongdoing

In a groundbreaking study released this week, researchers have found that a staggering 98% of politicians claim they are unaware of any wrongdoing, even when caught leaving the scene of a crime with a suitcase suspiciously full of cash. This finding comes as former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is set to testify that she "had no idea" about the activities of the infamous Jeffrey Epstein, while simultaneously calling for US President Donald Trump to be questioned under oath.

The study, conducted over a grueling three-day period, surveyed over 500 politicians across various offices. The researchers observed that denial was a consistent and widespread technique among respondents, some of whom were found strolling nonchalantly away from imploding scandals, wax sculptures of themselves in tow.

"It's truly remarkable," said Dr. Iknoww Nottings, lead researcher and holder of the highly coveted Gullibility Chair at the Institute of Political Studies. "Despite mountains of evidence suggesting otherwise, many politicians seem genuinely perplexed when confronted with accusations, as if discovering an alien artifact suddenly appearing in their briefcases."

Clinton's upcoming testimony promises to be an event of considerable theatrical weight, as she publicly disavows knowledge of Epstein's activities with the same fervor she used in calling for President Trump's testimony. Political analysts note that this remarkable display of selective amnesia and strategic memory lapses could be harnessed for other sectors, like amnesiac magic shows and professional clown acts.

"As politicians continue to claim ignorance, the real victims are the voters, forever left wondering if anyone truly remembers how to lead," Dr. Nottings concluded.

The study underscores a timeless truth: in politics, understanding and accountability seem as elusive as finding a single honest politician at an election season fundraiser.