Top 10 People Who Vote in the AP Top 25 College Football Poll
Unmasking the eccentric characters behind college football's most prestigious ranking

“Why watch the games when you can get the gist in sixty seconds?” said the Night Owl Highlights Guy.
For decades, the Associated Press Top 25 College Football Poll has been seen as the gold standard for ranking college football teams across the nation. However, an investigative dive into the selection committee reveals an astonishing array of characters whose methods are as varied as they are unusual. Here, we present the top ten voters whose influence on this revered tradition will leave you both baffled and amused.
1. The Helmet Enthusiast — This voter, a beat writer from Ohio, gleefully admits to ranking teams based solely on the shininess of their helmets. "It's like crowning the shiniest apple," he stated, polishing an imaginary helmet during our interview. Who needs stats when glare is on your side?
2. Notre Dame's No. 4 Devotee — Positioned in Michigan, this man has faithfully placed Notre Dame in the No. 4 spot since 1997, utterly indifferent to their performance. "It just feels right," he said with a shrug, surrounded by various Notre Dame memorabilia.
3. The Loyal Successor — As a testament to tradition, another voter continues to submit ballots on behalf of his retired predecessor. "It's what he would have wanted," said the man, lighting a ceremonial candle at his desk before each poll.
4. The Night Owl Highlights Guy — This individual, located on the West Coast, builds his entire ballot after watching only the 11 pm highlight loops. "Why watch the games when you can get the gist in sixty seconds?" he rationalized.
5. Canine Contributor — Some might find it barkingly bizarre, but one voter actually allows his golden retriever to fill out the ballot. "Dogs are great judges of character," said the human companion with confidence, pointing to the screen full of paw print-infused selections.
6. The Snack Predictor — Every Sunday, a fan gathers around a massive table of snack foods, allowing each pigskin-shaped item to dictate his choice. "If the pretzel bites converge on a team logo, that's who gets the nod," he explained with crispy enthusiasm.
7. Tech-Only Tactician — Not to be outdone, this digital denizen from Silicon Valley employs a complicated computer algorithm that solely considers the teams' social media engagement. "Followers equal fans," he assured us.
8. Memory Lane Enthusiast — Nostalgia seems powerful for this voter who bases his rankings on childhood memories of teams that gave him the most joy. "There's nothing more reliable than a good nostalgia trip," he mused while flipping through a photo album.
9. Weather Watcher — Weather patterns play a critical role for this voter, who considers the meteorological conditions of each game above all else. "If it's rainy and they still win, that's worth two spots up," he stated emphatically, radar in hand.
10. The Mix tape Maven — Finally, a musical aficionado ranks teams according to songs featured on game-day playlists. "If ‘Eye of the Tiger’ plays as they take the field, that's an automatic top 10," she declared, nodding to the beat.
In an age of information, the AP Top 25 remains a testament to the bewildering human factor behind an otherwise logical system. Whether driven by loyalty, tradition, or sheer whimsy, these voters keep the spirit of college football as unpredictable as the game itself.
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Desk Notes: Deadpan Serious · Clearly Satirical · Column
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