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Wednesday, May 6, 2026

Top Story

Selected by general agreement

FBI to Replace Fired Agents with Highly Trained Raccoons

FBI to Replace Fired Agents with Highly Trained Raccoons

Rummaging Skills Cited as Key Qualification for New Recruits

Washington, D.C. — In a groundbreaking initiative sure to ruffle feathers and dumpsters alike, the FBI has announced its bold plan to replace several recently dismissed agents with highly trained raccoons. This decision comes straight from the desk of Director Kash Patel and has been endorsed as an innovative approach to modern law enforcement.

Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 6, 2026

Most Read

Popular, for reasons

1
Cuba Unveils Luxury Hospital Ward for Speedboat Suspects
May 6, 2026
2
President Unveils 'Hockey Player Impeachment Prevention Act'
May 6, 2026
3
Hillary Clinton's Deposition Photos Spark Viral #DepositionChic Movement
May 6, 2026

Editor's Picks

Chosen algorithmically, without deliberation

China’s AI Diplomacy: Robots Now Hosting State Dinners

China’s AI Diplomacy: Robots Now Hosting State Dinners

Guests included AI-issued holograms of world leaders

Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 6, 2026

Cruise Ship Rerouted to Triangle of Bermuda for 'Safe' Quarantine

Cruise Ship Rerouted to Triangle of Bermuda for 'Safe' Quarantine

Experts say mysterious abyss perfect for long-term docking

Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 6, 2026

Columbia Student Detained for Attempting to Major in 'Undercover Espionage'

Columbia Student Detained for Attempting to Major in 'Undercover Espionage'

Local Desk

Filed nearby by someone

Local Ice Rink Initiates 'Invite Only' Policy to Combat Global Warming

Local Ice Rink Initiates 'Invite Only' Policy to Combat Global Warming

Move inspired by dialogue on presidential invites and gender in sports

Smalltown|Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 6, 2026

Pigeons and Presidents: Historic Talks Aim to Smooth Feathers on Central Park Benches

Pigeons and Presidents: Historic Talks Aim to Smooth Feathers on Central Park Benches

Meeting between Trump and NYC's Mayor sparks avian interest

New York City, NY|Compiled From Public Input|May 6, 2026

Claims extra credit project spiraled out of control

Assembled Collaboratively|May 6, 2026

Columbia University Announces New Major in 'Federal Agent Dodging'

Columbia University Announces New Major in 'Federal Agent Dodging'

Student’s Strategic Evasion Skills Prompt Academic Revolution

New York City, NY|Compiled From Public Input|May 6, 2026

Local Bears Demand Yelp Review from Unenlightened Hikers

Local Bears Demand Yelp Review from Unenlightened Hikers

Mystic Falls Incident Sparks Wildlife Hospitality Debate

Yellowstone National Park|Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 5, 2026

Fresh Off The Press

Recently published, wholly unverified

Nation's Cats Demand Equal White House Honours for Feline Hockey Teams

Submitted by a Reasonable Person|May 6, 2026

Nation’s Cats Demand White House Invite Following Trump’s Men's Team Suggestion

Submitted by a Reasonable Person|May 6, 2026

NYC Mayor Mamdani to Host Trump Meeting with Interpretive Dance

Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 6, 2026

Exclusive: Trump and Mamdani to Meet on Secret Spacecraft, Source Claims

Filed by Multiple Contributors|May 6, 2026

Exclusive: Mayor Mamdani to Install Golden Escalator for Trump's NYC Visit

Assembled Collaboratively|May 6, 2026